Episode 6 ~ Allannah Capwell

 

Allannah Capwell is an Embodied Consciousness Guide who is passionate about assisting others in aligning themselves with the energetic healing capacities within the Earth for the benefit of All.  She brings through the wisdom of beings both earthly and celestial through her teaching, guiding, and channeling of Vibrational Songlines.

Special Offering:

Allannah is offering our community Intuitive Guidance Readings for $99 plus an MP3 download of her channeled Vibrational Songlines.  To partake in this special offer, contact her directly at [email protected] and mention the Stories of Awakening!

__________________________________________________________________________________________

The Past:

How would you describe yourself when you were young?  

I spent a lot of time alone when I was growing up–alone outside in the woods, in nature. I was extremely sensitive, but I didn’t realize others were not sensitive, so I assumed others saw and felt what I did. I would see things in people–what they were really experiencing or responding to emotionally and I would often just ‘blurt’ it out, which made it uncomfortable for my siblings growing up, because they often felt embarrassed of what I said, or felt it un-appropriate, and it might have been so. I also saw things about my parents that were uncomfortable for them–and it was especially difficult for my mother, because I had memories of experiences before I was actually born, and I would in early age ask her, “Who was the woman etc…” And it would often be of her and she would know there’s no way I could have known this information. So, she frequently, in some ways, felt quite defensive around me–both my parents did, but there was also this sense when there were problems, I was the one to hear them, to listen. They didn’t know how to help me understand my experiences, or even necessarily talk about them. And like many sensitives, young empaths, on a more daily basis, I was often just told to “keep my mouth shut–whatever you see don’t say a word.” So I grew up employing all these filters learned by family, education, and the culture that I have had to learn as an adult to dismantle.

I was also extremely smart, intelligent, so I would often be a challenge in the classroom for teachers.  It’s funny, my sisters were just talking about how much time my father would be on the phone with a principal or Vice principal arguing that I shouldn’t be expelled or punished, that instead, teachers should know how to respond to me. I wasn’t disruptive or violent or anything, they often just felt like I controlled the classroom by what I sad, so it was more of feeling constantly challenged.

The thing is, I never really knew or learned that my sensitivity was normal and a gift of Being. I never realized I saw more than others. Truly. And so, I took to heart the “Keep quiet, don’t say anything…” Consequently, like many young sensitive persons, I learned to not trust my knowing, my seeing, my intuition. So, on one level in school, I was extremely intelligent, smart, and outgoing, and a loner with a few friends, and then also extremely quiet, guarded, and creative at home and in nature. Like many parents of sensitives, my parents had no idea how to recognize me, or how to help me understand what I was seeing, experiencing, or how to navigate the world. Instead, I developed a speech impediment, then took to writing, doing art…and being rather rebellious. By Middle School I had to ‘unlearn’ the speech impediment. And then, my adolescent rebelliousness was fueled by my knowing that I could see things about teachers and others that they didn’t want to have seen. But I truly didn’t experience it as exceptional or different.  I just thought ‘everyone’ was seeing what I saw. I thought so much was just obvious.


What were you passionate about and where did you think you were headed?

When I was very young, I thought I was going to be a neurosurgeon. Seriously–I wanted for years in grade school to ‘operate on the brain’ and to ‘understand’ how it worked. Then, as I grew into my teens, art became all. I painted and I wrote–even as I excelled at so many subjects. Poetry, literature saved me in lots of ways–it gave me a place to focus my sensitivity and feelings, my perceptions.  And it was acceptable! So, I actually ended up studying literature and writing in college and graduate school.
 
What did you feel were your special talents and challenges?


My talent was being sensitive and not knowing it–being able to perceive things. Recently, I went back through some yearbooks in storage and I was totally surprised by how many people wrote, “You helped me understand who I was…” or teachers who wrote, “You have great insight into people, you can help the world…” Somehow though, I didn’t hear this–I think it was because I was so troubled and had been told for so long already, “Whatever it is you see, don’t say a word.”

Being incredibly connected to nature and writing, and as a young adult being incredibly empathic and understanding of human nature, was both a gift and a challenge, and all the more a challenge because my parents had such difficulties of their own–my father was an alcoholic. As a young man he’d spent time in prison and was never really able to recover from that experience and could never find a community that he felt like he ‘belonged’ in. And thus, those challenges, compounded by difficult marital relations, became challenges for myself and my siblings, as well as my own sense of not quite fitting in. I shut down even further–not to feel so much–and spent more time alone. I had just a few friends then.

I eventually ended up on my own very early and somehow managed to finish high school with honors. I look back at the young girl now and I’m often amazed at her fortitude–to stay in school, to do well. Upon graduating from high school I went on the road for a while hitch-hiking–I followed Ken Kesey, the Grateful Dead, spent time with the Rainbow family, etc. until I woke up in an abandoned house one morning with some others and I had this profound insight that “If I don’t leave immediately, this is going to be me in thirty years…” And so, before anyone else woke, I left and hitch-hike back alone and over the next two months manage to get myself into university. I’ve always had this deep sense of knowing when I’m OK, safe traveling alone and traveling around the world.

Was there an event, or series of events, that provided a detour on the way and set you in a new direction?

I was on my third undergraduate degree (from Studio Art, to French, to English and Philosophy), when I got up in the middle of a lecture when a prominent critic was discussing Emily Dickenson and we were reading a poem that said, “I had been Hungry all the years/My Noon had come to Dine/I trembling Drew the Table Near/And touched the Curious Wine.” // “Twas this on Table I had Seen/When turning Hungry Home/I looked in Windows for the Wealth/I could not Hope for Mine.// “The Ample Hurt Me, Twas so New/ So Unlike the Crumbs the birds and I /Had Often shared in Nature’s Dining Room/ I Felt Myself Ill and Odd– Like Berry from a Mountain bush transplanted to the Road/…” I just suddenly knew I had to leave university and learn how to live inside this body, inside a body–it was such a profound insight, feeling/knowing in that moment. I never questioned it. I just did it. I bought a little yellow truck and drove to Alaska–practically immediately. I stayed in Alaska living in the woods for 5 years, doing the chop wood, carry water thing, and then went back to school when a man asked me to marry him. I knew my life had not yet evolved and I was nowhere near marriage.

What I knew is that I wanted to put to use my perception, my seeing, in a functional way, and so I decided to go back to literary work—writing and criticism would be my path now that I knew there was absolutely nothing to be afraid of my internal life–the deep pain that was buried there. But, as I garnered a national fellowship, learned to write and teach, I found myself never able to allow myself to publish–to the amazement of many well-known writers who supported me and wanted me to publish. Some voice inside kept saying, “No. This is not it–not the writing you’re suppose to publish. This is about my spiritual being–and he idea that it would be criticized terrified me, because I didn’t know how to separate it yet from myself.” It also didn’t feel to me to be a part of the literary, nor the academic world. So, I had somehow created a very strong demarcation between those two worlds. And coming from the background I came from, I know too I was frightened I would become, like so many poets and writers I knew, an alcoholic. And I couldn’t abide that, couldn’t allow that, especially since I grew up with one. So, I focused on teaching writing in all forms instead, and this led me later to being a Director of an Educational Institute.


Was there a time that you remember having your original perception of reality
challenged or stretched?

What’s interesting is that during this same period of time in Alaska and then graduate school, I was also introduced to Buddhism, and so I would make frequent trips to a monastery, and actually considered becoming a monk in the Mahayana Tradition of Soto Zen. Serene Reflection. I spent a lot of time at Mount Shasta and a then priory in Santa Barbara. But ultimately, I knew I wasn’t suppose to become a monk–and that was very confusing for a while because it felt so much like home–the silence, the focus, the attention on presence. But I knew it wasn’t for me this life-time.  Writing then became even more a part of my meditation, and the inward refusal to publish and become a traditional academic also became even more stringent, especially as I didn’t write criticism in an academic style. 

At this time, I also spent a good deal of time in therapy, examining and coming to understand who I was in my family–the dynamics of alcoholism and family violence we experienced as children, what co-dependency was, and also why my relationship with my parents was so ‘other’ than my siblings’. I also because I had this amazing fellowship (one of two given in the country) was doing incredibly well in graduate school and then as a young professor teaching writing and literature and general philosophy courses. So, instead of having my perceptions of reality stretched, I think I was trying desperately to create a vision of who I was, could be, to allow me to feel and be a part of ‘normal culture–because I just never really fit in the way I saw others did when I was young–I hadn’t found my tribe yet, so I went overboard on becoming a part of things. 

At that time meditation was my bedrock. I later learned or got confirmed in a Soul Blue Print Reading that aspects of my Soul journey have included being in a monastery many times. But even while I was trying to find a ‘normal’ career path and community, I also began too to participate in a lot of personal transformational workshops–but I brought all this work into my work as a professor and then as an administrator. In fact, I kept on being pulled into leadership positions because I’d gained all these intuitive people skills in workshops. I was frequently described as a ‘reluctant leader' which in two college president’s views made me a perfect candidate to be a leader.

Can you think of a time when you took a leap of faith into the unknown because you felt instinctually you had too?


In so many ways, all of the major decisions I’ve made in my life have been based on intuition–to keep myself in high school when I was living on my own at such a young age, to go on the road and then suddenly to return to school, then to leave abruptly, then to return, then to move from Alaska to back east, New York City, and the next was to suddenly say yes to going to live in Kyrgyzstan to help develop a liberal arts college—the first in Central Asia. I simply woke up five days after being asked if I would consider it and said, “Oh, my god, I’m going…” Up until that moment, I was sure I wasn’t going. But I simply ‘knew’, so it was the next thing. And I’ve followed that knowing my entire life. I believe it’s what saved me many times. In fact, I would say, I probably don’t know how to make a major life decision not based on intuition. For me the challenge was, I’d make these large intuitive decisions in the direction of my life and then go back to a more logical day-to-day decision process. So there was this intense residue of filters of not trusting what I saw or felt that was also present, so I was always trying to find a balance. I didn’t see this for many years and how hard it was on me at times, and my intuitive abilities were serving me well–until I started seeing and hearing even more and having full on visionary experiences, and finding people literally ‘backing away’ from me unconsciously. It got very confusing for a while.

But these large, visionary, and intuitive experiences also made it clear I was getting ready to leave my role as a professor and a college administrator. And ultimately the timing of it was completely intuitive. And to help my logical mind make the transition I went back to school in Depth Psychology—thinking I wanted a PhD in this. Wrong. Though I love working with archetypes and how they can help us see our lives symbolically, another degree was not what I needed. In fact, as soon as I learned how Carl Jung came to understand the energetic nature of archetypes–by literally reading those scientific and philosophical works he read–I woke up one morning and said, “Ok. That’s what I came for. I no longer need to be here.” I was trying to bridge my understanding of energy, our energetic body, with traditional psychology. I didn’t know enough about Energy Psychology, instead I went via Jung and the archetypes. So I stopped the work in Depth Psychology, even though professors frequently said, “You know this stuff intuitively…you could be really good…” But I realized I didn’t want to be in an institution anymore. That left me in wide open–not knowing what was next.

At the time of leaving my prior career, I also decided to start mentoring with Lee Harris, as you know a fabulous intuitive messenger, musician, artist and transformational leader who greatly assisted me in understanding more clearly just how ‘intuitive’ and ‘sensitive’ I was. He helped me understand what the journey ahead was going to feel like and that I could trust it. I’d figure it out. I’d also been attending many workshops with Paul Selig and listening to him channel the Guides because I wanted to understand more fully what was happening to me, the experiences I was having. The two of them and their channeling really helped me understand more who I was, how I perceived experiences, and for the first time I truly felt like I found my tribe. There was an experience of reality and a perception of Spiritual Being that I could thrive in. And it really opened up all my experiences and understanding of energy.

The Present:

How would you describe yourself right now?

I would describe myself as growing more fully into the aspects of myself as an intuitive, channel, writer and healer. I profoundly believe in conscious evolution, the evolution of consciousness, and that what all of us who are in the intuitive and energetic realms of healing and guidance are ultimately doing is helping people embody their consciousness consciously, so I call myself as well an Embodied Consciousness Guide. And I’m a student of all of this. Living my life day-to-day in a state of perpetual learning, transformation. Not identity transformation but energetic transformation, which of course, informs, literally infuses, who we are in the world–not necessarily what we call ourselves.

Professionally, I offer intuitive energy sessions. Some people come to work on life transformation, deepening more into the vision they have of themselves, or come for spiritual deepening–wanting to find, create deeper meaning in their lives, especially as everyone is experiencing these energetic infusions and shifts but they don’t necessarily have an understanding or language to describe what’s happening to them. So, I’m very conscious of these people–introducing them to our energetic nature. Some clients have also ended up experiencing profound physical healing as well. I don’t publicly call myself a healer, but others have called me this, so I am acknowledging this. I love working with people to help them embody and listen to their own energetic bodies, their own intuition, and their own knowing. I also channel The Mindful Heart Collective–Isis is pretty consistently present, as well as Ephraim. And there are others. They, as a collective, emphasize heart-mind coherency and what that allows us to experience and know through and in our physical form. 

Recently, a new group has come through, The Council of Ancient Ages, and they mean both terrestrial and non-terrestrial ages. They are a group of multidimensional beings. What they are offering are what they call Vibrational Songlines. Vibrational tonings, languages, that offer us the opportunity to experience more fully the vibrational energies and energetic grid-lines of the earth. They have been very specific about this–that they are coming through to assist with this. They are relatively new and they have been very moving for several clients–offered them profound shifts. 

As we know, it’s not only we humans who are undergoing profound energetic shifts and uplifts, but nature, the earth itself. And I don’t believe we ‘heal’ the earth energetically—I believe we come into alignment with its energetic healing capacities and things start shifting profoundly for us as well as those places in which we experience energy–because our relationship to the earth in those places shifts. As we remain unaligned with the energies of the earth, the more the ‘shit starts hitting the fan.’ We’ve been experiencing this for some time. As we all know, we’ve been out of alignment in so many areas on the planet for such a very, very long time. Many of us have simply ‘forgotten’ what it feels like to feel Gaia’s energy, especially the energy of the soil, the plants, the trees themselves. So this council works with ancient tribal vibrations and songlines… and sometimes…I can literally see them when I’m channeling those Songlines. Some of them are of tribal nations that we have no record for on earth–they go back that far–and there are other Beings who have been in relation to earth from other dimensions. My first visual contact with them was while I was I Costa Rica at a Soul Magic Retreat with Lee Harris. Their songlines–are new, and I’m waiting to see how it all develops.

Perhaps my biggest challenge is accepting that others see me as a Spiritual Teacher. Nearly every intuitive or channeler I know says, “Oh, your a spiritual teacher” and I find this a challenge to acknowledge to myself this aspect of me. I think this is because I had some profound and also deeply disappointing experiences with organized religion. But I believe deeply in the spiritual, metaphysical or mystic roots of religion. And for me, spiritual teaching is really about healing ourselves, embodying our own consciousness and coming into alignment with our own Divine Nature. And in our culture, especially, I find too much baggage around the term ‘spiritual teacher’–because there is a tendency to give away our power and our learning in this culture to others, and when we do this, we don’t have to truly take responsibility for our own Being, our own Divine Nature–nurture it, grow it, surrender to it.

What is your personal process with Spirit, creativity/ expression, and healing? 

My personal spiritual process doesn’t really feel that personal anymore. It feels like the intuitive path we are all on, we all share, which is about embodying consciousness, allowing ourselves to consciously embody, experience, and know the Divine Nature we are. The truth is, we’re not afraid of our weaknesses, but afraid of how powerful we truly are: that we alone are responsible for our lives, and that the more love we consciously embody, feel, vibrate with, the more empowered we become.  We’re afraid that if we become empowered in our own knowing, we’ll be rejected by others, shunned. I know this has been a major koan for me behind a lot of the early filters I adopted as a child and young person, as well as in prior life-times or timelines. So, to allow the Divine to infuse us with its love and energetic presence can feel quite frightening for many, because it really does bring in change. Profound change. If someone had told me 5 years ago that I would be channeling or doing intuitive energy sessions, I would have laughed. But my intuitive nature was opening, and I knew it was either embrace it or release from physical form. So, I sought what it meant for me, and I am still learning how to embody its expression. And finally, I guess it’s important for me to say, when I use the word ‘empowered’, I don’t mean authoritative, I mean divinely guided by our own intuitive and loving guidance, by the Divine, by Source.

The Future:
What dreams and goals are you incubating?


I know I’m suppose to be offering guided intuitive energy sessions. My goal is to start offering more workshops. As an academic, I offered many workshops, so I’ve been very cautious to go back into the same energetic pattern as prior. I’ve waited to really understand and feel that I’m fundamentally energetically different enough to be a different workshop facilitator and to understand what they’d embody, include. This next year, I hope to offer one or two multi-day workshops.

And I know writing is central for me. I’ve been on a journey since January and I’ve kept a blog–Journeys into Being–of my very human/spiritual experiences, and also really feeling and noticing the different energies of various landscapes across the U.S.. I paused on the blog recently, because my mother passed on May 14th and so I’ve had to be with that and was also asked to facilitate the memorial for her. There was a log of organizing and healing that came into play. I’m only now beginning to write about the experience and the beautiful things the Mindful Heart has shown me about the deaths occurring now on our planet. My next post will include this.

But I see eventually a book. More spiritual in nature than even the blog. In fact, both Paul Selig’s Guides and Lee Harris Z’s have told me, just write and everything will unfold. So, I’m trusting that, because I’m finding what I really want to write about is being a spiritual Being in Human Form, what it means to embody our consciousness and what we experience in the process of this.

How do you envision living your most beautiful life?


You know, I look back and acknowledge my childhood and adolescence and young adulthood had many challenges and was hampered by deep, deep wounds that needed healing, and I spent a long time learning to even acknowledge they were ultimately a gift. But I look back now and I wouldn’t change a thing, so when I think about living my most beautiful life, I feel I am right now and have been and just want to continue to embody and realize my full potential as an energetic Soul Being here on the planet, and in that process be of service through Being who I am. We’re moving from a paradigm of doing to being, and so Being guides us into the appropriate doing. We each just have to learn to trust that all of our experiences are simply human–that there’s not one human experience we should be ashamed of, for when we acknowledge and feel the presence of those experiences in our lives and allow them to release without projecting them onto the world or others, they gift us with so much wisdom, so much compassionate love and understanding. That is a beautiful life, a beautiful process. 

And being able to have conversations like this. These are gifts to all of us.

Close

50% Complete

Two Step

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.