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Spaces, places, and moments that change us forever
There are times
in our lives
when we knowingly or unknowingly walk through
a threshold
of change,
a space
through which
we shed
an old self
to bring
something new into life.
Sometimes we are expecting it, and sometimes it takes us by complete surprise. Regardless of the approach, the effect is the same, nothing will be as it was and everything will change.
One week ago I crossed one of these thresholds.....
Traveling 60 mph down the highway, bending around a curve, and a young buck casually and consciously walked out in front of my vehicle and looked me in the eye.
In that horrible and beautiful moment that stretched on for an eternity, in the time between his first sight of me and the impact of my vehicle on his sacred body, I knew we were meant for each other. I knew our contract had been written in the stars and there was no reality in which we didn't pass over this threshold together.
I prepared for this moment like a mother readying herself for birth.
Deep cleaning my car and detailing every inch of her the day before she died. On the morning that would be the last morning of her life, I asked the children to give her a name. I realized this car had never been given a name. "Luna!", my 7-year-old said with confidence. Luna, had already always been her name, I had just never said it until that morning that she died.
The deer, who I now call Sage, and Luna crossed the threshold into the other world together. I was granted the privilege to stay on this side a while longer.
So the question is, who am I on this side of the threshold?
Who am I, as the person that laid my hands on a freshly killed deer and asked for his forgiveness?
How have I been changed?
And for what purpose do I remain?
::::
I remember my training with Hank Wesselman in 2009, he asked us to visit a future self and what did I see?
Myself, as a partially corporeal being, able to move between dimensions, teaching humans how to hunt with sacred connection. I saw myself standing at the edge of a hidden precipice, looking down upon a lush valley, with a band of hunters in training. We looked out over a herd of deer and I asked spirit for an offering. A life for the sustenance of the many. Spirit obliged and a deer volunteered to pass from form. I showed the hunters how to see the one that was selected, how to kill with precision, and how to honor the being whose life was taken as sacred. How to accept this precious life, with conscious awareness and reverence.
As my hands lay on the deer that I had hit with my car, I felt the life moving inside of him.
While gazing at his eyes and seeing his soul departed, I gained a new understanding of the gift. The hunter who had been called to stand guardian over this moment, had arrived to gather this young buck to feed his family, and he witnessed the spirit conversation as if he were meant for it. As if he knew.
I learned something here about the wisdom that can befall one who is willing and able to take life.
The wisdom of one who understands without a doubt that we are constantly being given life to fuel our own. Every bite of food, every breath of air, every sip of water, every moment of warmth and shelter is a gift that has been given and a sacrifice that we have received. If only we knew it to be so, and could express gratitude for the gifts of being here . . . a while more.